About the climb...

(Yes, like the Miley Cyrus song. Just go with it.)

If I could describe my current season in one word, it would be: HEAVY.

heavy | adjective

: having great weight, difficult to bear, characterized by depth or intensity, dulled with weariness

There’s not one heavy thing in particular that I’m carrying, it’s a lot of little things, all piling up on my shoulders, like…

…exhaustion from a summer that was more busy than restful.

…trying to balance work and home without dropping the ball on either one.

…a long to-do list of things that still need to be done in the house, and the current state of all the half-done things we haven’t finished.

…a dear friend battling cancer and suffering more than I think anyone should.

…parenting concerns as my kids become teens and the time with them becomes even more fleeting.

…and that’s just a few of the things on my mind, you know?

I know you know.

It’s just felt heavy - altogether too heavy for me to carry.

Which is why, a few mornings ago, Jon found me crying in the bathroom - just pure exhaustion and overwhelm - and after letting me verbally vomit all my worries all over him, he told me to go take a walk. To get outside, enjoy the cooler weather of monsoon season, and just walk as long as I wanted. He’d take care of the kids and breakfast, and I could come home when I was ready.

I ended up walking for two hours.

(My norm is 20 minutes. You can read about my health failures here. Suffice it to say that this was a lot for me.)

We live at the top of a big hill, so I started out by walking down it, enjoying the aftermath of a storm - it was a gorgeous morning with fluffy white clouds, a deep blue sky behind them, and the perfect cool-ish breeze.

I prayed through each step, out loud, which is not like me at all, but I was desperate. I had no music in my ears, no podcast on my phone - it was just me and Jesus and the sky. I could feel the stress leaving my body with every prayerful step.

And then I turned around to head home and my peaceful walk turned into something else entirely.

Up until that point, the whole walk had been downhill. Fairly easy, even for me. I’d wanted to keep going, because it was just such a lovely experience. Pretty clouds! Fresh air! Less stress!

But to get home, I’d have to climb that hill. No way around it.

I considered calling Jon to come and pick me up at the park. But I wasn’t done walking yet. I wanted to keep going. I’d already proven to myself that I could do more than I thought I could, and the quiet of the time where I could just walk and talk with the Lord was too special to be done with already.

So I started back up the hill. The very, very steep hill.

My pace slowed greatly - I couldn’t even kind of keep up the pace I’d had downhill. It was so much slower, just one foot in front of the other, resting when I needed to.

In the back of my mind, I knew I could always call Jon to come and get me. But I also told myself that I wasn’t in a hurry, and I really could just take the time I needed to finish the climb. Even better, I was by myself, so I didn’t feel like I was holding anyone back with my slowness.

At one point, I was pretty out of breath and also being frequently reminded by my growling stomach that I had not, in fact, eaten breakfast before I walked out the door that morning. I sat down on a big boulder to rest and finish off my waterbottle. And I continued on in prayer, really just handing over all the things on my mind to the Lord. I talked to him about…

…my exhaustion.

…our finances.

…fulfilling all my duties well.

…my best friend.

…my own health.

…and more.

And sitting there on that rock, AS CHEESY AS I KNOW IT IS, I realized that my life is a little like my walk.

Right now I’m in an uphill climb. Each step feels difficult, weighty. The whole of the journey feels a little impossible.

But you know what makes it feel less impossible? Taking my time, and letting myself rest when I need it. Unloading my burdens onto the Lord, who actually invites me to bring those worries to Him, and promises to carry them for me, giving me His lighter load in return. Sitting down on the proverbial rock when I don’t know if I can take one more step forward. Taking the rest I’m typically too hard on myself to allow for.

I got up from that rock refreshed by the rest and the realization, and continued the trek home. I stopped a couple more times, but I made it all the way up that hill, back to my house, changed in a deep way.

I fully realize that it sounds a bit ridiculous to say that a two hour walk changed me, but it kinda did.

And isn’t it just like the Lord to use the ordinary to remind us of the eternal?

Life is heavy right now, but I realized on that walk that I’m not stuck, nor do I have to carry everything alone. I walk with the Lord - who is gentle and kind to me, encouraging me to hand over my burdens to him and rest. I can take the time to rest and care for myself when that’s needed, and then I can get up and keep walking forward, one step at a time.

I’ve got Matthew 11:28-30 on repeat this week, so I’ll share it here with you, too.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The Lord is gentle with us, willingly taking our burdens and giving us rest for our souls in return.

Whatever walk we’re on? We’re not walking alone. We’ve got a God right beside us, who makes our steps sure and leads us on in kindness, at whatever pace we need.

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How do you feel about hearts? 🤍

Quick favor - if you liked what you read today, would you hit the little heart at the bottom or leave a comment? And if it really resonated, would you consider restacking this post or sending it to a friend who might need it? It helps get these words in front of more people, and it genuinely makes my day every single time! Thank you so much!

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