Just Between Us | Vol. 1

On parenting teens, hard business decisions, getting healthy in my 40's, and learning to rest - even past midnight.

Welcome to Just Between Us - the place where I skip the filter, get a little more honest, and share what I’m actually learning about trusting God with the parts of life I’m still tempted to white-knuckle. It’s just us in here - let’s chat!

What’s inside this issue:

• Relationships: Letting go at the salon, on the road, and everywhere in between - what parenting a teenager is teaching me about trust.

• Work: What it’s actually like to run an online business right now, and the hard decisions I’m facing about our future.

• Health: The honest truth about a decade of not taking care of myself - and the tiny health habits I’m finally starting to build.

• Rest: Writing this at 12:34am feels hypocritical, but here are the tiny rest habits that are actually working for me this summer.

• Something To Talk About: A few questions to chew on this month - bring your thoughts to the comments!

Just Between Us is usually just for our paid subscribers - but we’re sharing this first volume as a preview for everyone! If you like what you see here, and want to get access to all our upcoming Just Between Us newsletters (and more to come!), you can subscribe below to join us as a paid subscriber!

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We’re at the salon and it’s the first time sitting in the lobby instead of right next to her while she gets her hair cut. She came with her own pictures and her own ideas and the girl has plans, let me tell you.

I almost reminded her that she could speak up if she didn’t like something. But she’s smart and capable. She’ll say something if she needs to.

I kept my mouth shut. A sign of trust.

She just got her permit, which means that she is now able to drive, legally, on the absolutely ridiculous roads of Las Vegas, where people can be found drunk at any time of the day. I don’t understand how this is possible. My prayer journal is already filling up faster than normal.

I will learn when + how to keep my mouth shut as she grows into this stage of life, too.

This is a weird, beautiful season of figuring out what it looks like to protect her, now. It’s not stepping in for her anymore - though you know I will if I need to. Instead it’s standing back while she tries out her wings, keeping my mouth shut more often than not, and cheering on the newfound independence like all I do is believe in her.

Because I do. Believe in her.

Parenting teens is wild and beautiful and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Where’s the handbook for letting go? How are we supposed to know how to shift from holding their hand to holding our breath as they make their own choices?

I honestly have no idea. I’m winging this thing. And praying more than I ever did in the toddler years.

I do know this: The God who has been faithful to me, every single day of my life, will be faithful to her, too. He will walk with her daily. She will never be alone.

And I suppose He will be there for me, too, as I walk her into adulthood. Because it’s equal parts broken heart and the proudest I have ever been in my entire life.

Side note: The new haircut is fabulous. 😍 She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life. She thinks I’m lying when I tell her this, but I mean every word, from the bottom of my broken heart, and I will not keep my mouth shut about it.

It feels a little like I’m the only one left.

A solid majority of the friends I started out with - us OG mommy bloggers - have either drifted away from writing, sold their blogs and businesses, or simply quit to find a new job elsewhere.

I get it, you know? Running an online business is not the same as it was in 2009. When we started out, the internet was still getting started itself, and it was a little bit like the Wild, Wild West out here, with stay-at-home-moms starting something new, staking our claims, and accidentally stumbling over gold. It was fun, we were a connected community, and it felt like freedom.

Now, the internet feels like a noisy crowd that makes overstimulated-me want to just go home and crawl into bed. Influencers have taken over and everything feels like an icky sales pitch. Does she actually use that bedding, or did she just get it for free? Which company actually made that neck pillow originally, and are they all just ripping each other off? Does anyone have a regular home anymore, with mismatched dishes and threadbare towels? What happened to sharing real life on here?

Not to mention the fact that as attention spans and trust have shrunk to almost nothing, so have sales. And those of us who have depended on these accidental online businesses to put food on our table? We’re having to make some hard decisions.

Because we might love what we do, but the food still needs to be provided.

This is a conversation God and I have been having for the last few years - God, what should I be doing with this business, in this new online world? What should I create/share/pivot to that will help us grow? Should I add in social media/YouTube/a podcast/a retreat/another product/ANYTHING ELSE or should I step back and take a break? Do you want me to stick with this or abandon ship and find a “real” job? Are those my only two options? How do I provide for my family and serve these incredible women well and glorify You, all at the same time, without burning out?

It’s an exhausting conversation, and I’ve realized lately that the questions themselves are the most exhausting because I still act like this business depends on me. In actuality, it has always and only been sustained by the Lord. I talked about that here.

For whatever reason, God has continued to provide for our family through Anchored Women. Let me be clear - we’re not raking in the big bucks by any means. But every month, we are able to just barely cover our bills, and that alone feels luxurious these days. I know it’s a gift, and it’s one I don’t take for granted.

Also? I’m in the same boat as the friends who sold their businesses, or walked away - things are simply so much harder now, and I’m having to make some difficult decisions about our future. I don’t believe I’m called to sell or walk away right now - or anytime soon - but there are things that need to change if we’re going to stay afloat.

In the next few volumes of Just Between Us, I’ll share some of those things, including:

• One big shift I’m considering that will simplify a lot of things (in a good way) but scares the socks off of me (in a not-so-good way).

• How I’m using AI to save myself a lot of busywork (hello, spreadsheets) without giving it the parts of the business that I will forever keep human and real (hello, writing).

• Anything else you’d like to know about running an online business these days. (Leave your questions in the comments!)

My own health is the thing I’m the worst at. And that’s embarrassing because you can tell just my looking at me.

It’s been this way for over a decade. After our son was born, I experienced a double pulmonary embolism, and spent a year in recovery. I put on a lot of weight during that time, and even more since then. I was both unable to exercise or eat green vegetables (doctor’s orders), and too willing to use Burger King (whopper junior with cheese, no onions, please) to manage my emotions.

I excused a lot. Even before the PE, I was in crisis, and I hadn’t dealt with any of it. I’d lost my mom to cancer in 4 months flat, and I was still blindsided and grieving. Our marriage was very hard in those early days, and we made it harder by moving homes/communities/churches/friends every 2 years, having to start over every time. My first baby almost died during birth, and I almost died after birthing my second baby.

All I’m saying is there was a lot going on in my heart. And food made me feel better.

In the last few years I’ve been starting to deal with a lot of these issues, and also learn - for the first time ever? - that I actually enjoy exercise, and that food can be fuel for my body instead of a consolation for my emotions. I’m also learning that the Lord cares for my body as much as my heart, and that the way I treat the body He’s given me is a matter of obedience - and I’ve been falling short for a long time. (I don’t say this with guilt or shame - I know I’m forgiven in Christ! I simply say this as an acknowledgment of truth - I have not been good at this in the past, and I need the Lord’s help to get my health back to a positive place.)

So now, I’m focusing on healthy habits like I never have before. Tiny ones that feel doable and not impossible.

Things I’m working on include…

• Developing and sustaining a regular habit of exercise that I really and truly enjoy.

• Tracking my food and staying in a calorie deficit, focusing on the macros that my body needs based on my bloodwork - protein, fiber, and saturated fat.

• Getting to know my doctor and bringing her all my questions, without a filter. Listening to her, doing my research, and making my own decisions (with Jon, of course).

• Sleeping 8 hours each night.

• Losing 80+ pounds and increasing lean muscle. (Using our Hume pod to measure this.)

I’ll report back on these each month and let you know how I’m doing, along with any tips I find/resources I love/things I’m learning. My hope is to get healthy the natural way - through nutrition and exercise - which I know will take me a long time. But I’m so grateful my body has brought me through all the hard things life has sent my way, and I’m asking the Lord to help me see myself, exercise, and food in a way that honors Him.

Healthy Habit Goals for August are:

• Walk 8,000 steps a day, 6 days a week.

• Lift 2x a week.

• Track my food in the Lose It app (my favorite!) daily.

• Prioritize whole foods, eliminate processed foods as much as possible.

• Drink 80oz (2 large bottles) of water daily.

• Lose 4 pounds. (This is an outcome, not a habit, but it’s one I’m hoping to hit as a result of the other habits!)

Should I probably do more than this? Absolutely. But I like setting minimum goals where my health is concerned - it makes it EASY instead of overwhelming! If I want to lift more than twice a week, I can! But twice feels doable, and doesn’t make me think “well, it’s not worth trying if I can’t do it perfectly”.

Will report back at the end of August. Here we go!

I’m currently writing this at 12:34am, when I should be sleeping, so talking about rest right now feels a little hypocritical, but here we are. Sometimes I just gotta get the words out.

Here’s the thing - this has been the busiest summer we’ve EVER had. We get a total of 7 weeks of summer, and we have spent 5 of them out of the house. That’s ridiculous, but between a small family trip, 2 Boy Scout camps, youth group conferences (which we chaperoned), and visiting friends and family, our summer has just been bonkers.

Which has left little room for normal daily rhythms, and rest is a rhythm. So, today I’m going to share a few tiny ways I’ve been practicing rest when life is too busy for my normal routines!

Tiny Habits of Rest

I like tiny habits, because they feel doable. See everything we talked about in the section above. So when the schedule is out of my control and I know that I don’t have time/energy/bandwidth for my normal habits - like a weekly Sabbath - here’s what I do to make sure that rest is still a real part of my days.

• I listen to The Bible Recap as I get ready in the mornings.
  My actual habit here is “Turn on TBR as soon as I get out of the shower.” I shower every morning no matter where I am, so I leave my phone on the counter and press play on the day’s reading as soon as I get out of the shower. The habit is not “listen to TBR each day” - it’s just “turn it on”. The smallness of that habit makes it easy, and I end up listening to TBR in full each day! It’s a wonderful way to start my day by hearing a few chapters of God’s Word - and getting it into my heart.

• I take social media off my phone.
  When I travel, I take socials off my phone. I already know that my time is going to be spent in different ways than normal, so it’s going to be harder to maintain boundaries around scrolling. So, I just eliminate the temptation. I’m typically not working on a trip, so there is no “need” for socials anyway. This opens up any downtime I have for things that are actually restful, like reading a book, listening to music, or talking with someone I love.

• I bought a travel Bible to keep in my purse.
  I have started creating touchpoints with Scripture throughout my day at home (more on this soon), but it’s harder when I’m on the road. So keeping a Bible in my purse has made it much easier to pull out and read while I’m waiting for someone, or enjoying time as a passenger princess, or in the quiet morning hours before others get up. Proximity makes things easy, and easy gets things done. If you’re curious, I got this one for myself, and this one for my kids. I love the one for myself because it’s large print (hello 40’s), and olive green. Also it’s the translation I grew up with, and that’s a throwback that I absolutely love!

• I try my best to stick to my normal bedtime.
  You know, except for right this second. 🤪 But really, sticking to a regular bedtime, even on trips, just helps my body get the rest it needs, recover well from all the extra adventures/stress/travel, and maintain the energy I’d like to have for my family and friends while we’re visiting with them. Also, regular sleep keeps my migraines at bay, and I’m a big fan of that.

The biggest lesson of my year has been understanding that rest is a command from the Lord - A GIFT, EVEN!! - and not a reward for completing all the things on my to-do list. So taking a little extra time to figure out how I can incorporate rest into my daily life, even when it’s ridiculously busy, has been completely worth it.

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Every month I want to leave you with something to actually chew on. These questions are perfect for your journal, your prayer time, or for chatting with a friend you trust. But also? I’d love for you to bring your thoughts to the comments! I’ll be in there with anyone who wants to chat - I’d love for us to actually talk about this stuff. Head to the comments below, and let’s dive in! 💛

1. Where are you currently white-knuckling something - in your relationships, your work, your health, or your rest - that you know you need to hand back to Him?

2. What’s one tiny habit you’ve tried (or want to try) that’s helped you actually rest, even in a busy season?

3. Is there an area of your health - physical, emotional, or spiritual - that you’ve been excusing or avoiding? What’s the story underneath it?

4. What’s the hardest part of your work or vocation right now - and what would it look like to trust God with it instead of managing it yourself?

5. Where have you seen God’s faithfulness show up this month, even in something small?

Pick one question - or all five, I'm not the boss of you! 😂 - and share your thoughts in the comments. This is exactly the kind of conversation I built this space for, and I can’t wait to hear from you! 💛

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